‘It appears in my dreams every night & haunts me, amma. It is very much like a stuck record. Again & again & again...’
‘I know, my Love. Learn to enjoy the memory & try to learn from it.’
‘Enjoy it? How does one enjoy a nightmare? I wake up in cold sweat every night & not once can I ever hope to enjoy this living hell...& Why do you call it memory?’
‘Dreams are nothing more than your past recorded in your very being, playing itself over and over again till you find closure. Instead of waking up, pursue the images and paths till you come to a possible end that helps you find your inner peace.
'Such a gigantic creature could not be from imagination. You are right. It has to be from memory. It would help to know where and how I came across this enormous animal that evokes such fear just on sight.'
You were a king, my Love. In a birth, 50 times before this one. You were brave. You were Bold. Your valor was recorded in history books and in songs to be passed on from generation to generation. True to your name you shone like you would burn forever. An elephant or horse was not good enough for you. You fought on a magnificent yali and sent shudders through the enemy camps. The image that you see is just you on the Yali as it tears through the enemy camps, stomping people into the soil, wet from blood.
‘Yali?’ Is that a mythical creature?
‘As real as you and me, my heart. The choices were many and the combinations were aplenty. The speed of a sabre-tooth with the sturdiness of a mammoth, the memory of an elephant, the venom of a king cobra, the magnificence of a lion...Your Yali was special. The mane on its giant, lion-like face made the creature look magnificent. The Yali had incisors as long as your palm and the trunk and legs of an elephant, swishy tail of a sabre tooth, yellowish-red blood, boring golden-brown eyes and talons on its elephant feet. Its call was a trumpetous roar that evoked a fear that mimicked death among people. You, my strong one, was the mighty Aditya Chola from who the other Adityas were spawned. Your scientists experimented with various animals till they combined 4 types of Yalis. You preferred the one you see in your dreams.’
‘If it was mine, why am I afraid?’
‘What you are afraid of, is not the animal by itself, but of who you were. After every death that your body experienced, you realized that the karma you accumulated was not getting exhausted and that realisation sits heavily on your being. Who you were was the consequence of your drunk power and quest for everythinghood.’
‘Isn’t a king supposed to be all-powerful and a successful conqueror?’
' True, my king. A king is supposed to guard his kingdom and people and ensure their safety and not lust for land that does not belong to him or princesses who want nothing to do with him.’
‘Did I do that? Is that what makes me afraid?’
‘Yes. You went after the beautiful princess Ezhilarasi and when she went seeking refuge, kingdom after kingdom, trying to escape you, you left behind a trail of bodies, widows & orphans. Ezhilarasi chose to end her life sipping the sharbat made from the Udalai tree fruit, rather than become your queen. Her curse follows you.’
‘How do you know all this?’
‘I was Ezhilarasi.’
